So, you’ve heard of “Saying Yes to the Dress” if you are a bride.
Next, comes the “Mother of the Bride” dress ideas all over Pinterest.
But you know what you don’t see? Nothing for the “Mother of the Groom.“ Nada. Zilch! #RUDEE
And, since Holly is about to become one, not only does she have a bone to pick with the fashion industry, but she also has some INCREDIBLE suggestions for all those moms out there, who need to look their best without outshining the bride – and/or for sure – the mother of the bride.
Coming in at 3rd Place in the wedding pecking order does not mean that what you wear does not matter. Just because you do not have the pressure of being the “Mother of the Bride” does not mean you don’t own a place at the table. You do.
There are so many layers to consider when deciding the TONE of what to wear to your son’s wedding that it is daunting. But the truth is, there are some simple style rules to follow, and YOU CAN DO ITTTT!!
Holly is here to save the day with her style suggestions. Be sure to follow her on Pinterest and see her curated MOTHER OF THE GROOM board for guidance. Her suggestions are much more updated than what you will find in bridal stores. Because if you have ever been to one, as the Mother of the Groom, it is depressing, sad, and just tiring.
So, first off: Shopping for events like this becomes especially difficult for those who may hate to shop. Shopping too early for your perfect dress just to get it over with when you have a big event is a FASHION CRIME.
Important to know for our Boy Moms, and for all women, is based on Holly’s basic principle: SHOP FOR YOUR BODY TYPE, and SHOP FOR FIT.
The day your son comes to you and says some woman wants to marry them, you need to thank God, Allah, and the Space Aliens that you have raised a respectable person that another person wants to spend the rest of their life with. Can we just celebrate that? You are a SUPERHUMAN for raising an award-winning son that someone wants to be with 24/7. #awinisawin
“The day your son comes to you, and says he wants to get married; you should breathe a sigh of relieve right then and there.” – Holly Katz, mother of the groom.
The wedding of your son is an important event. You will have pictures of this moment for the rest of your life. So please give yourself some grace and love yourself enough to make these moments matter by allowing yourself to look as wonderful and happy as you feel. This is called self-love, and you deserve it after raising a boy. I mean, let’s be honest.
Your son still looks up to you with pride. You are the shining beacon that has always guided him. Showing up with confidence and pride – when you are happy with your look and style for his big day – he will feel confident, becuase you do.
So, if this moment feels daunting you to, just know that this isn’t rocket science. There are a gazillion dresses in the world. You only need 1. Maybe 2. Really. We promise this will be easier than middle school.
The Top 3 Pain Points for Mothers of the Groom:
Pain Point #3: “I don’t want to upstage the bride“
Holly’s first thought is: “Great. That’s adorable.” But what Holly really wants to say is: “Bitch, PLEASE.” Because unless you are a 50+ supermodel, that ain’t gonna happen. You can quote Holly on that.
What you are really saying is: I want to be in my fashion comfort zone, I don’t want to try too hard.” This is setting yourself up to fail – because you want little-to-no attention on yourself.
You may not be saying this consciously, but unconsciously, you are insecure in this situation. Recognize that, so we can fix that.
Pain Point #2: “I don’t want to show my arms, or legs, or what-have-you”
Do not hold yourself back because you have body issues. When you focus on this, you are not open. You need to be open to anything and everything. You never know what might work for you.
For example, you don’t want to show off your legs, so in your mind, you have a length or style that you reject before you even try it on. TRY IT ALL ON first. Then decide if your legs work or not. But, do not avoid a style based on your fear.
STOP HOLDING YOURSELF BACK.
Pain Point #1: Money
When you don’t shop a lot, you are not familiar with how much things cost, or why they cost what they cost. As with anything, you get what you pay for.
So set a budget. Shop within that budget and buy what FITS your body and your budget. There is something for every body type and every budget.
When it comes to evening wear – it may seem frivolous to spend a lot money on a one-time occasion.
But think of it this way: if you have a child in your life getting married, so are all their friends. Chances are, you will be invited as “parent friends” to a ton of weddings in the next few years. You can wear a gown many times.
If it’s too formal, after your son’s wedding, you can change the length of the dress, add a sleeve, alter it to change the style for a different look. NOT NECESSARY TO BUY A NEW OUTFIT FOR EVERY OCCASION. Please.
Second-hand or special occasion rental is always a great idea!
Putting the Look Together:
Possibly a wrap or a coat
*Do not assume you can ask your husband to hold your lipstick, phone, and credit card in their suit pockets. A bag is part of the outfit, and you need your stuff with you. All night. Not having a fashionable, functional evening bag is a major FASHION CRIME. #notnegotiable
How to Shop for the Outfit:
You must shop in person: fondle the fabric, try things on, take your high heels, wear the shapewear. At the very least, learn what does not fit you, so you can shop for what does fit and looks bet on you. Is it itchy? Does it stretch? Is a size 10 the same for one brand, and different for another? GO. IN. PERSON.
Dress brands to consider:
Consider shapewear: Do you need a strapless bra? Do you need something around your tummy? This is the first place to start.
Do not shop only online. You will slow down the process. Try on in-store first. Know your fit and favorite brands. THEN you can order online, or shop for sale items.
Please go to a store and ask for help. A qualified in-store person can change your life.
Do not shop too early. You will over-shop. There will be too many decisions. Buy a dress for the season you need. Mothers’ of the Groom can start about 3-5 months in advance for your season. Trust Holly on this. Save yourself some brain cells. The decision will be easier if you focus on the timing.
Note: The newness wears off if you buy it too far out.
Find Something New and Unpredictable:
Do not fall into the trap of “mother.” You are not required to wear lace, a cape, or a complete body covering. Level up! Don’t be predictable. Do not buy an old lady’s dress!
Find a dress that is dependent on why type of wedding it is, and is nicer than something you would normally wear.
If your son’s wedding is black-tie: you can wear something beaded or sequined, or a midi-dress.
If it is at 2 o’clock in the afternoon, those options are out.
There are a lot of factors at play for the time of day or location of a wedding. So Holly’s best advice here is to ask for help! What is the expectation? What is everyone else wearing? Do your research.
In conclusion: Out of all the dresses in the universe, there’s one out there for you. You can send Holly a DM or follow her on Pinterest for ways to make this very special event fun and easy, comfortable and stylish.
She is right there with you! You are not alone! Ask for help.
And Mazel Tov on passing your perfect son onto someone else to manage! Ha!
Xoxo – The only Holly you need to know